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I Am A PhantomI Am A Phantom
i am a phantom, an apparition.
i'm exhausted from not living
enough. not breathing enough.
the cold flows in again: i choke.
you've been gone for ten million
days and i feel the cracking again
of the depressions i bring forth:
and i eat the sadness like candy.
i'm killed by all the love i'm fed.
that sick part of me wants to just
lie in agony for my great losses.
i saw every single one disappear.
i am a phantom: dry and quiet.
and i beg winter's gloom to cradle
me with its heavy, murderous hands.
i will become the damnation i crave.
you've been pixels on screens,
and you've been an ancient picture
in a frame that hides now, face down
under the anvil of my bed: lingering.
i'm dying here. i want to die here.
the beast in my head pats my back
and tells me that i'm content with it:
the soft buzz of silence; heavy eyes.
i am a phantom. nothing is enough.
i am never satisfied. i am never alive.
i don't understand this all-too-familiar
The FleetingThe Fleeting
it's that fleeting feeling.
knowing little flames on trees
will ash on the drying ground
far sooner than you think.
i can smell winter's hands
brushing at the night air,
and i'm reminded so much
of the safe purity of home.
it's that lovely fearfulness
like how the last proud maple
hangs down her final yellows
like drippings from a faucet.
and back at home, the snow
is alive like a giant creature
lounging inside everything.
the infinite white is inescapable.
it's that prickly, sad urge
to immortalize those leaves,
preserve their tiny crinkled souls,
in a photograph's flattened shell.
color remains in this place
of delayed change
i need my eternal winter now.
i need the calm again: the freeze.
it's that silent breath of cold
that creeps in like a sickness.
so sly, so deviously in stride,
it puts all of the trees to sleep.
the grass is browning here.
burning in the cool light of Lunis.
she looks down at me tonight
like she had from my
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More