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I Live For ThisI Live For This
i already know who she is.
it was simple, actually.
you forget i am the master
of all things omniscient.
you rejected me.
it was like another amputation.
i was prepared to sacrifice
everything and anything.
did you deserve my crawling
back into a life i'd loathed?
no. you didn't deserve my begging
but i crawled, screamed for your help.
but hey, i live for this.
sleeplessness, absence of self.
my purpose is to document it all
right here in somber verses.
i want to give it all i have.
i want to burn off my frayed ends.
for this i'd drag my old life away:
dump off the past and embrace you.
your excuse sliced me open.
you want your chance to explore.
well when it fails you'd best return
or i'll steal you with gluttonous hands.
do i deserve to hurt for months after
and to be pressed flatter than i was?
no. i did nothing to earn this for myself
but i'll take it and i'll fill my heart up.
and hey, i live for this.
restlessness, compulsion i
9-28-11 [edited on 10-1-11]
everyone had seen it, you know.
they all saw how i was suffering
under your barrage of thumbs.
no, i will not pity you, so just
don't make it seem like i'm at fault.
you pushed yourself into exile.
you see, i do miss you dearly,
Red Bird with so many red flags,
but your angst phases me not.
i refuse to believe that i failed!
i did not do one fucking thing
that was worth losing us over.
and now i am gazed upon
by eyes that are quick to adore.
he offers, and i stand in limbo.
the way your hand fits like it does
and how routine had etched itself
holds me here in this no-man's-land.
but even he, the patient Shadow,
had seen how i'd hung my head
low at your side every. single. day.
come grovel at my feet if you can.
banish your pride for our sake!
oh, how i wish you would soften.
frustration remains like a disease.
i am an hourglass; i am overturned.
my direction is forever shifting.
Gift HorsesGift Horses
knees beaten to the floor
i called out in desperation
"i can't do this on my own"
and so i was sent a savior
i am burdened by a privilege
and i wonder if i should run
while this alien hand clasps
my unsure, trembling conscience
deep behind my withheld truths
my dependence rests with the other:
the red bird: the Cardinal King
one i'd also took for granted
kindness beckons from new skies
but i'm a billion miles from there
floating in space, i'm screaming
caught between two planets
possibility of retry damns me
sets my temples aflame now
as my obsessive head machine
picks at the details of my suffering
i am handed gift-wrapped solace
time and time and Time again
i regress and wish for familiar
now that i'm freed of my chains
i had complained to the world
said i'd been burned by misery
told everyone how i wanted to flee
and now i beg for a hero's welcome?
unappreciative, i sob inside this sorrow
knowing how i can't be satisfied
the hole in my
he'll have to love my poetry
and read it like i love to write it
his eyes aglow with determination
and brain's wires sparking miracles
he'll have to own those eyes
that dip into a universe of intelligence
and dreams and insight and wisdom
eyes that could captivate me forever
he'll have to bear a touch so fiery
that its intimidation will excite my soul
with solace to sedate my warring thoughts
and force that will awaken my secret demons
he'll have to understand my bouts
of awakened memory as i tell him all
about how it used to be and how it's changed
and of the many characters i met on my journeys
he'll have to watch as i wield mice
with wire tails to make my masterpieces
and he'll be baffled by the love i willingly inject
deep into pixels that illustrate my entire young life
he'll have to safely coax down my walls
so we could intertwine without any regrets
and so we could effortlessly bare with open hearts
the dark and hidden corners of our
Red Letter Day - Prologue
So here I am, writing.
I’m writing, I’m writing – just as you told me to.
I’m writing, I’m writing, I’m writing.
Have you ever noticed that when the sun goes down, this flat changes? It does. The walls are white during the day and lingering brown at night. During the day, I’m with you and the light from outside paints the walls that heavenly color. But when that sun goes down, the demons wake and I’m alone again, even though you’re just a room away.
Somehow it seems less threatening tonight, and I think it’s because you’ve given me an assignment to try and fight off the darkness. You gave me a stack of papers and a pen and told me to write everything that comes to mind.
It’s a strange feeling to have complete freedom. These empty pages are mine to do whatever I please – I could even wipe my ass with them – but they’re also terribly intimidating. The blank page has always been a nemesis of man. It&
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More