Down Here In The EmptyDown Here In The Empty
slithering deep between my ribs,
this infection grows faster.
its spiny legs eagerly saw
at my self control: grown ragged.
i'm weakening almost predictably,
and the demon inside, she begs:
"go now, and die for your boy."
i've seen myself buried too many times.
i have learned nothing.
i continue to deify those undeserving,
blatantly selfish men who take me
and pencil me into their perfect worlds.
now, down here in the Empty,
i lie under covers of insomniac cotton
and regretful polyester.
my old disease resurfaces with a smile.
he's got a new set of "eyes"
and he will ogle and be addicted
while i continue to settle for less
than what's comfortable.
i will find her, and i will watch
your shitty little bitch fall for you.
then i'll wait, and if you don't return,
my demon and i will destroy you.
you have never seen me fighting,
but let me tell you this, Master:
i'm a force, and i'm a battering ram.
you've damned yourself in rejectin
I Live For ThisI Live For This
i already know who she is.
it was simple, actually.
you forget i am the master
of all things omniscient.
you rejected me.
it was like another amputation.
i was prepared to sacrifice
everything and anything.
did you deserve my crawling
back into a life i'd loathed?
no. you didn't deserve my begging
but i crawled, screamed for your help.
but hey, i live for this.
sleeplessness, absence of self.
my purpose is to document it all
right here in somber verses.
i want to give it all i have.
i want to burn off my frayed ends.
for this i'd drag my old life away:
dump off the past and embrace you.
your excuse sliced me open.
you want your chance to explore.
well when it fails you'd best return
or i'll steal you with gluttonous hands.
do i deserve to hurt for months after
and to be pressed flatter than i was?
no. i did nothing to earn this for myself
but i'll take it and i'll fill my heart up.
and hey, i live for this.
restlessness, compulsion i
9-28-11 [edited on 10-1-11]
everyone had seen it, you know.
they all saw how i was suffering
under your barrage of thumbs.
no, i will not pity you, so just
don't make it seem like i'm at fault.
you pushed yourself into exile.
you see, i do miss you dearly,
Red Bird with so many red flags,
but your angst phases me not.
i refuse to believe that i failed!
i did not do one fucking thing
that was worth losing us over.
and now i am gazed upon
by eyes that are quick to adore.
he offers, and i stand in limbo.
the way your hand fits like it does
and how routine had etched itself
holds me here in this no-man's-land.
but even he, the patient Shadow,
had seen how i'd hung my head
low at your side every. single. day.
come grovel at my feet if you can.
banish your pride for our sake!
oh, how i wish you would soften.
frustration remains like a disease.
i am an hourglass; i am overturned.
my direction is forever shifting.