i'm pushed between cracks
drowning deep within sidewalks
where people like to crush me
IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.
MY BRAIN CLAWS OUT OF MY HEAD.
la, la no one cares
give me a gun to end my ego
send my ashes up in the Minnesota wind
IT WON'T FUCKING STOP.
LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE ME ALONE.
come back, teacher
come back, wielder of salvation
return to me and to my constant decaying
TORMENT AND LAUGHTER
LURKS BEHIND EVERY SINGLE WALL.
no one's here to save me
and no one's here to kill me
i am a cloud in a sky of planes
I AM BURNING. I AM FREEZING.
I DON'T WALK ON THE PLANET IN MY HEAD.
maybe i should stop eating again
maybe this isn't as bad as i want it to be
maybe i'm just craving my own complete demise
THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE
THAT WE WERE READY TO DO.
AND NO ONE WILL BE CRUSHED BY MY FALL.
Far From GoneFar From Gone
parts of me were dangled
like ornaments in the winter
on the trees over this pavement
my shoes land in my old footprints
and there's a piece of me still buried
under the paths my feet have worn
i've climbed this hill a billionth time
but i'm not ready for the final trod
this place is far from being gone
boars know not of their backsides
how the stench disrupts the feeding
of the swans in their clear pools
you are a lazy, paranoid loser
who needs to get up off his ego
and be the man that i yearn for
a foul and fouling decision slithers
near: at the heels of my quiet feet
silent in their efforts to stay free
i will laugh with my greatest friend
who i've missed laughs with for ages
for a Time that drinks me like millennia
the snake that sheds its tired skin
will be peeled free of another grip
another deadly wrap that constricts
you'd better get your fucking sad act
more together than it's ever been
or i will toss you to consume new prey
i am tired of bending to demands
of one who deserves no love from me
so you go ahead: let your stink spread
Paradox: ExistParadox: Exist
you're getting married, i guess
and i'm not invited for receptions
because i'll be lying cold and dead
in arms of loathing and frustration
you're looking at my chest
seeing the lovely gift you gave
silver wings and beating heart
a pair that let me soar higher: free
you're You're Not Embracing Me
though i dream often of your arms
wrapped here in familiarity's hug
your fiancé forbids such salvation
you're waving goodbye to me
after such short, awkward laughs
you say your signature farewell
and i feel tears well in my eyes
you're there in my memories
and, friend, i miss you so dearly
you showed me a light back then
that i wish would shine on me now
Six Million Shards of GlassSix Million Shards of Glass
I am attacked.
Glass huddles in my wounds.
I spend fifteen minutes
Harvesting piece by tiny piece
Lodged deep inside carpeted rain forests.
Is the smallest sparking speck
Peeking out at me from the depths.
I pick like slave in field.
My hunched spine is teeming
With glass bubbling between vertebrae.
Fingertips hold the particles
That make the printed ends itch.
I rub at timid tears, and I am blinded.
Praise and PromisePraise and Promise
i've dabbled in depression
and sunk myself in many a sea
i've fastened on my own shackles
and i've stared as my dreams vacated
i've been puzzled by outcomes
astonished by all the frayed ends
i've been addicted to crawling back
i've seen my eyes overflow with empty
right now i feel a little sick
because my right is falling left
but i'm doing my best to hold it high
and convince myself not to miss you
i try the oldest of brainwashes
detergent to cleanse the yearning
and soapy sleep to shake the thought
that the good shouldn't have been lost
there were bads running prominent
so i lost the want to love the whole
including what made me happiest
like simply being held close to you
i miss smiling against your skin
and when your arms enveloped me
that all the hate and hurt i stockpiled
simply vanished and i was in love
but i hated saying that i was sorry
especially when i felt no such remorse
and i loathed feeling trapped in there
it's too much for me.
like lying on a bed of pins
while brick by brick is placed
on my chest, adding weight.
has taught me harsh lessons.
for some reason i had thought
similar hurts were exiled from here.
it was my decision.
i could have continued on
while the bricks added up
to press canyons in my muscles.
departure was an
inevitability. i don't think that
i asked for too terribly much.
i will never be the submissive.
i became weak.
and you strutted your ego
about like it was a cash prize.
you can't convince me to pity you.
i've gotta force myself
to eat: to feel emerged - the victor.
and yes, after someone goes,
it's like you missed their funeral.
the threshold is crossed.
mine and caesar's gleaming rubicon:
traversed. the choice was given
to you clearly, but you let me walk.
at least a few more
will go this way. if you don't loosen
up the strings on your brain's laces,
you'll lose so much more than me.
There Are PlentyThere Are Plenty
there are plenty of other women
who can satisfy you. so why don't
you go stick yourself inside of them
there are plenty of other capable
bed partners who are much more
slender than i. go fuck them, then
there are plenty of others for you
to take with all the frustration i have
laid on your screaming libido. go away
i am much much more than done
with your making everything one big
fucking deal. you want it, find it elsewhere
i will not give you what i cannot let go
and i refuse to force myself onto you
when i've put up with pounds of your shit
there are plenty of other perfectly fuckable
young ladies standing in long lines for you
so why don't you just set me aside already