Excuses, Excuses.

Excuses, Excuses.
Blank/Free
6-25-10
16 stanzas

i don't want to smell like you
i don't want to taste your kiss
or feel the repetition of your fingertips

But I'm still deep in love, you see.
Oh, how I have tried to banish it.
This wrenching ache will not subside.

i don't want your heavy embrace
i don't want your quiet stares
or your soft whispers in the night

But I'm torn from who I used to be.
An animal now occupies my flesh.
I'm suffocating deep within my shame.

i don't want another second best
i don't want a timid hero's touch
or feeling like i'm just a dog's master

But I'm happily drowning in memory.
I'm smiling at the old pictures of him.
The tears flow, for I cannot stop them.

i don't want to hurt anyone else
i don't want to ruin my new chance
or destroy the present with the past

But I'm listening to his perfect voice.
He's like the shoulder angel I never had.
I refuse to deny the love I hold close.

i don't want to touch your hands
i don't want to feel your warmth
or hide inside of a boy i don't love

But I'm simply a piece of his puzzle.
That, and he is, of course, part of me.
We are one person in two worlds.

i don't want to break another heart
i don't want to feel the knives of guilt
or crumble again in the face of beauty

But I'm sorry, I think, at least.
I apologize for things I can't control.
Love is an emotion that I won't force.

i don't want you to caress me
i don't want you to lull me into sleep
or submerge me into your dreamland

But I'm swimming in my pity stream.
Dancing in a downpour of rusted lies.
Somehow I've made myself believe.

i don't want this fake world anymore
i don't want to be painfully patient
or wait for love that will never return

But I want to smell like him, you see.
I want to taste his kiss forever and on.
He is the gold at every rainbow's end.